Switching kids

When Bryan and I were first married, his kids would be with us for a few days, then a few days with their mom and then every other weekend with a different parent.  It took a little bit of getting used to and didn't take long.  I hated it when the kids were gone - they brought so much to our home and it was always so quiet with them gone.  I think that was one of the reasons I was so eager to have our own kids because they weren't going anywhere...

Fast forward to now.  Yes, we are a divorced family and the kids are going back and forth - not as much as the older kids, most of their time is with me however, in the summer and different holidays, they go to spend time with their Dad and his relatives.  I am glad that they get to go spend time with their dad, Grandma and Grandpa and their cousins.  I am so glad we live close enough that they can get to know them instead of spending once a year or every other year together.

B.U.T. it kills me every time I drive away from them.  I am so empty without them.  It's such a difficult feeling to describe.  I hate this part of my life and I don't think I will ever get used to it.  I can't imagine what my life would be like without them in it.  Being a mother has been such a great experience for me.  I thank Heavenly Father all the time that he brought these two wonderful spirits into my life.  There was a time in my life when I wondered if I would ever have children - and now I have these two little ones who depend on me so much.  I just hope they know how much their momma loves them - maybe someday!

Carson - right after they wheeled her to my
room.  I had the camera and she looked
over at me and I took the picture.  She was so
alert after she was born.

Morgan - right after he was cleaned up and right
before they placed him in my arms and wheeled
us to our room.  Once we got there, they promptly put
him under the lights for an hour and he cried the whole
time.  I kept asking them if I could feed him and they
were waiting for his blood sugar levels to rise.  As
soon as I could feed him, he downed that bottle
and was happy as a clam!  Yes, a mom
knows what her baby needs.

Carson (30 months) and Morgan (5 months)
I loved this picture and couldn't resist
buying it.  There is a story here but that is
for another time and place.

Carson (4 yr) and Morgan (2 yr)...  I just love
how she is so tender with him and he was
so upset because he did not want to
get his picture taken and have mommy more
than five inches away from him.